Weaver's Week 2019-05-19

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It's the annual Eurovision Song Contest semi-final report: a day early, and a lot longer than usual. Coming up much, much later: ITV's 9.25 problem, the latest Mastermind semi-final, and a vacancy on The News Quiz.

Music starts here.

Contents 1 Eurovision Song Contest 1.1 Semi-final 1: KAN for EBU, BBC4 / Vivacité, 14 May 1.2 We have to lose these seven, so go 1.3 Actually going through – the fast songs 1.4 Mid-tempo and slow numbers 1.5 Interval! 2 Eurovision Song Contest 2.1 Semi-final 2: KAN for EBU, BBC4 / RTE Radio 1, 16 May 2.2 Great, but not great enough 2.3 Who did go through? 2.4 And some slow numbers 2.5 Interval acts 3 The looming final 4 ITV's 9.25am problem 5 Mastermind Update 5.1 Semi-final 3 6 This Week and Next

Eurovision Song Contest

Semi-final 1: KAN for EBU, BBC4 / Vivacité, 14 May

We might not be here for the opening act, Netta reprising "Toy" in her unique style. In the case of Vivacité, they're literally not here, the RTBF radio station takes a news bulletin and sports update, before joining the presenters at 8.06. Vivacité will continue to cover the soccer throughout the evening, taking score updates during the postcards.

Four presenters this year, each contributes 25% of a Petra Merde. The stage is triangular, and the producers love their wide shots, perhaps a bit too much. The postcards are of people dancing in the tourist attractions, notable only for putting RTÉ's entry on a horse.

We have to lose these seven, so go

"Heaven", performed by D mol. They were put together for the contest, six independent artists and performers working on the one song. It's light and fluffy, and in rehearsals we heard how they grew together. If we're going to have a manufactured group, they need to have the brilliance of One Direction: we kinda got the Peppermints, right down to the mint-white suits and dos-y-do dance move. Entry for RTM, shown on screen as "Montenegro".

"Look away", performed by Darude feat. Sebastian Rejman. Good grief, it's the reincarnation of Elvis Presley, gyrating in his tight leather boots and his trousers. And we're talking about the trousers, not the song. It's a heavy dance track, lots on the beat. The lyric is about averting your eyes from big problems, such as the woman drowning on top of the box on stage. Sebastian engages with the camera, Darude concentrates on his keyboards. "The bloke who did 'Sandstorm'" means something to those of us who were in clubs twenty years ago, but it's not still 2000. Entry for YLE, "Finland".

"Fire of love (Pali sie)" performed by Tuila. OK, the song's called "Fire of love", so where's the fire?! It's an unlikely mixture of close harmonies with guitar licks, performed by four vocalists in traditional dress. They're trying to be both simple and contemporary at the same time, and fall between the two stools. And yet, and yet, there's the indefinable something there; and on a night where we only lose seven songs, this could almost be enough to progress. We already know that one song missed qualification by two points – could this be it? Entry for RTP, "Poland".

"Az én apám" performed by Joci Pápai. Another slow number, Joci is alone (and barefoot) on stage, crooning about his father. We got that message from the floating heads like we're flying through like an over-wrought over-hyped movie. There isn't much to be done with the staging, it's got to be done on Joci's considerable talent, and floating heads are the one thing they could have taken out. Perhaps could have swapped it for a proper ending, not just "la la la". Entry for MTV "Hungary".

"Wake up" performed by Eliot. Well, that's a bold choice. A black jacket, decorated with orange angular shapes, and with two ripcords that just stand there begging to be pulled. Reader, the ripcords never got pulled. There's a blissed-out electronic remix to be had, and we'd love to hear it, but this isn't it. There's a great vocal to be delivered, but the juries didn't hear it. The effect is a bit like the rabbit in the headlights... but, again, there's that something to not write it off just yet. Entry for RTBF "Belgium", who had hit gold with their last three entries, "Love kills", "Rhythm inside", and "City lights". Sorry it's not a sequence.

"Keep on going" performed by Oto Nemsadze. One for the literary buffs here, Oto descends from heaven to earth to the underworld, cramming the theology of Dante's Inferno into three minutes. Clearly, we need more high culture retellings in this contest. It's dark and it's anthemic and it might just get through. And it throws Eliot's limitations into sharp relief: we can believe Oto is the same performer, twenty years older and a million times more war-grizzled. Entry by GPB "Georgia".

"Telemóveis" performed by Conan Osiris. Another left-field entrant, and we're shown a mixture of middle eastern sounds, fado, and modern electronica. It's a jazz beat, almost defies any attempt to categorise it, and we have no idea what the staging is about. This is art pop, this is exactly why we watch BBC4. Entry by RTP "Portugal".

In this semi-final we were expecting to see "Siren song" by Maruv. For reasons, NTU "Ukraine" was unable to send its entry. It's a very contemporary song, complete with a proper pop drop. We don't quite think it was going to be a winner, but was bound for a top ten place on Saturday. "Siren song" might be one of the biggest What Ifs of the contest, could it have won? Would it have siphoned off some of the WTAF vote from "Hatrið mun sigra"? We'll leave that one for the superfans.

Actually going through – the fast songs

"Replay", performed by Tamta. It's exactly what we need for an opening act: big and in your face and sunny and plenty of hooks. The jacket-ripping-off moment to reveal a flesh body-stocking disguises one fact: this is a repeat of "Fuego" without the charm or the surprise. Where last year's entry was charming, this is tacky and trying too hard. The entry for CyBC, "Cyprus".

"Friend of a friend" performed by Lake Malawi. Boing! This is effortless cool, fun, slaps a massive smile on our face. Albert finds the camera and doesn't let it go, there's plenty of colour in the song, and it's the first one we can say "yes, absolutely going through." The lads each have their own colour, their own doorframe to stand in, and there's some funky video effects the Top of the Pops producers from 1984 really wanted. Won't win, but it's sold so brilliantly and it'll give the international commentators something to talk about. Not that the pair on Vivacité need any encouragement. Entry for CT, on screen as "Czech Republic".

"Like it" performed by ZENA. Confident and poppy and the sort of thing the Sugababes might have had as an album track. Zena is the youngest performer in this year's contest, and co-hosted last year's Junior Eurovision contest. It all feels a little bit over the top, a bit too much of a sugar rush, like what a Western audience would expect from the Junior contest. Treat it on its own merits, and we have lightweight pop, and that stands out in a male-ballad year. Entry for BRTC "Belarus".

"Hatrið mun sigra" performed by Hatari. Bing-bong! Tonight's favourite o'clock. Another one that cannot be ignored, it's a meld of latex and leather and whips and chains. It's performance art, it's the story of the fortnight, and the band have executed their media plan perfectly. And they've got the camerawork right: every single shot is moving in to the band, or circling round them. What of the song? There's a song involved? No, the song doesn't matter, this is high theatre with almost no relevance to the techno-punk industrial gothness in our ears. Entry by RÚV "Iceland".

"Say na na na" performed by Serhat. The last song of the evening was on a pay-for-play contract, in the sense that he gifts the broadcaster money to cover his entry. The entry is the audio equivalent of monosodium glutamate: we know it's bad for us, but we so enjoy the taste. A lyric video turns into Serhat standing around while traffic cones light up. He wears a white suit and doesn't wear his trademark hat; the effect is "joyous" with more than a sniff of "desperate". Entry by SMRTV "San Marino".

Mid-tempo and slow numbers

"Sebi" performed by Zala Kralj and Gašper Šantl. Ooh, this is nice. A gentle electronic beat, a soothing vocal, an all-too-rare Right Sort of Shiny. We've got Zala singing gently at Gasper from a hand's breadth away while the camera spins round, and the long shots are of stars and blue uplighters. Perhaps a bit too cold for the audience at home – we're not particularly drawn into the duo's icy palace of luuuuurve. But it's a breath of freshness, something calmer compared with everything else in the show. Entry for RTVSLO, "Slovenia".

"Kruna (Круна)" performed by Nevena Božović. Bring on the Balkan ballad! It's a solid performance, one that has drama and vocals and all sorts of charm. Not sure about the staging, the whirlpool that almost swallowed Tinkara a few years ago has surfaced here. This is a very solid song, in the Balkan ballad way, and if there's any justice it's going through. Entry for RTS "Serbia".

"Zero gravity" performed by Kate Miller-Heidke. And we're going to digress a little. Back in 2006, this column enjoyed John Sakamoto's Anti-Hit List podcast, four new tunes by aspiring acts every week. Kate Miller-Heidke popped up a couple of times, somewhere between indie-pop and musical theatre, little show tunes that were infernally catchy. We dug out "I like you better when you're not around" for the first time in ten years, and could still sing along with the chorus.

The song is Kate's pop-opera, and like something out of a musical – as is the entirety of her catalogue. As we remarked in 2016, a singer from musical theatre will connect with the juries, perhaps not with the audience at home.

The staging is interesting, Kate and her two dancers start off standing quite tall. Is it video effects? No! It's a flexible pole, then she scoots off at escape velocity into a passing nebula. As one does. It's performance art, it's a big spectacle, like the one with the doors from last year. But is it what Senior Eurovision wants to be? We couldn't stop watching, so it's going through, but we won't be assembling on the Gold Coast next year. Entry by SBS "Australia".

"Storm" performed by Victor Crone. Follow that! After "Zero gravity" came "Hatrið mun sigra", two performances of complete jaw-dropping unexpectedness. Now we're back in safe territory. Staging by numbers, in a slightly twee remake of an Avicii number with an atrocious rhyme scheme: after careful research, Victor rhymes "this" with, er, "this". We expected this to get swallowed by the songs around it, a pleasant surprise to see this through. Entry by EER "Estonia".

"Better love" performed by Katerine Duska. Dreamy fey power indiepop, Katerine has made very sure to find the camera every single time, make sure she's in shot, the star of the show. For those of us who remember music videos, this is the tableau of a video recreated on stage, and it's all about the powerful feminine – fencers, angels, and entirely lovely. Juries are going to love it, that staging guarantees a televote – and a Right Kind of Shiny note. What's Athens like at this time of year? Entry by ERT "Greece", and co-written by Fame Academy winner David Sneddon.

Interval!

During the active voting window, Dana International does her take on "Just the way you are", while showing people in the crowd kissing. Ew, cooties.

We listened to the contest on RTBF's Vivacité station, which had an interesting approach to the show. They cut Netta's opening number for the hourly news, added some football goalflashes in place of postcards. Then they took the 10pm news bulletin during the contest, chopping "Zero gravity" and "Hatrið mun sigra" to a minute each. They gave up on the contest after the recap, and reported their defeat in the 11pm bulletin.

BBC4 also gave up on the interval entertainment. What did we miss? The biggest hit ever to come out of Junior Eurovision, which is a bit insulting. We lost a video presentation of this year's contenders dancing to "A ba ni bi", the IBA's winning song from 1978. It helps the postcards to make sense.

And the highlight of the semi-finals, a charming video montage – 63 years of Eurovision Song Contest in three minutes. "Volare" mixed with the Grannies, Verka running around "A ba ni bi". Kutiman does for the EBU what Cassetteboy does over here. Except that BBC viewers never got to see it, they'd rather show Rylan Clark-Neal driving some other performers around Tel Aviv.

Just as the recaps begin, 22.10 hits, the scheduled out time, and the line to Tel Aviv goes down. Well done, BBC, another thoroughly professional and utterly fault-free production.

Eurovision Song Contest

Semi-final 2: KAN for EBU, BBC4 / RTE Radio 1, 16 May

Live from the Tel Aviv Arena Western Extension (RTÉ Studio 4 in Donnybrook), a very happy new year to Zybszek Zalinski and Neil Doherty, the best anglophone radio commentators in Europe. (With the possible exception of the PBS team, who we've not yet heard.) The television show starts Tuesday night's best bits, then the Gang of Four discuss Saturday's interval act, which sounds exciting and gripping. More of that next week.

Eighteen great songs enter the stage tonight. There's only room for ten in the final, so some are going to have to go.

Great, but not great enough

"Walking out" performed by Srbuk. Our first song was a young woman singing her heart out on the stage in a harsh red light – in a way that looked completely wrong for a few minutes. While the song is about walking out from a useless lover, we reckon she needed some company, some supporting dancers. Entry by AMPTV "Armenia".

"22" performed by Sarah McTernan. A lovely consistent staging here, a 1950s diner mediated through Happy Days, but the song doesn't fit this bright and confident stage, it's a period piece almost like we're walking through a museum. A gentle feelgood number with the Right Sort of Non-Shiny. Entry by RTÉ "Ireland".

"Stay" performed by Anna Obodescu. Remember the sand artist who performed behind Mika Newton in 2011? She's back, with a performance they taped earlier; the sand artist is miming to a prepared performance, while the singer does her piece live on stage. Like the 2011 song, it's a dramatic ballad about a failing relationship, performed with plenty of armology and some Meaningful Props. Entry by TVM "Moldova".

"That night" performed by Carousel. Bing bong! Eurovision voting is taking place in aisle three. LTV's selection process included a televote, a jury vote, an element of online plays, and votes cast by people shopping in a supermarket. The song sounds like the sort of muzak we'd like to hear in a supermarket, quiet and with a certain dreamlike quality. Not sure about the vocal, it's far too good for Tescø. There's no reason to love this, it would have scraped through on Tuesday, but tonight is a harder semi-final. Entry by LTV "Latvia".

"On a Sunday" performed by Ester Peony. Cast your mind back to last year's contest, when Alekseev fired a rose from an arrow, and Mélovin rose from his coffin. But it seems that the vampire boys have turned each other to dust in their pursuit of this one girl. Ester is beside herself with loss, and draws out her angst through the medium of popular song. It's a dark and sensual number, Ester flails against the dying sparkles, going round and round and ending up back where she starts, lost like her suitors. A song missed qualification by one point: was this it? Entry by TVR "Romania".

"Limits" performed by Pænda. Here's something a bit different, minimalist electronica that should be played by Radio 2's Steve Reich in the Afternoon. It's an intimate performance, we feel alone with the singer, perhaps almost a little frightened at times. Where it went wrong: it's not as clear as "Walking out", the staging is less memorable than "Stay" and the sandstorm. A slightly pitchy performance didn't help, and when there are ten better songs, you're doomed. Entry by ÖRF "Austria".

"The dream" performed by Roko. A clear lineage to co-writer Jacques Houdek's own entry from two years ago, the slow number shows off Roko's vocal talent. He's in a white suit, and stands up to deliver the powerful chorus while two angels descend from the heavens. It'll be interesting to see how Roko develops, like Eliot on Tuesday he's perhaps a little too young for this contest. Entry by HRT "Croatia".

"Run with the lions" performed by Jurij Veklenko. It's a very sparse staging, so many shades of black, so we concentrate on the performer. There are no lions on the stage, and Jurij doesn't do any running; do not confuse this with Zena's song from Tuesday, or "Chameleon" one minute ago. He just sings a powerful song, one that might get lost in this draw. Right kind of shiny. Entry by LRT "Lithuania".

Who did go through?

"She got me" performed by Luca Hänni. Western pop with a sort of Latin beat is popular at the moment. It's an unfussy song, sung with conviction and oodles of charm. There's plenty for the televoters to like, enough to get through, but what will the jurors make of it? The song's dominant lyric is "Dirty dancing", but then the songs aren't often spoken about by their titles on this show. Entry by SSR SRG "Switzerland".

"Love is forever" performed by Leonora. From the vampires we went straight to the land of Unikitty, hyper-colourful and over-sweet. The song sounds like hold music from a bank, and it's something people either like or really really hate. The staging involves a ladder, a girder like that famous photo of builders eating lunch. People are going to remember this, it'll get some televotes, and the song ends half-way through the chorus; we'll say more about this next week. Right kind of non-shiny, too. Entry by DR "Denmark".

"Too late for love" performed by John Lundvik. Gospel singers, soul-inspired pop, charming performer, completely safe and slick, and we find it utterly devoid of emotion. Again, this ticks all the boxes; again, this is completely soulless and vapid. There is a path to victory, if everyone else makes complete mistakes. Only getting through because it's an entry by SVT "Sweden".

"Chameleon" performed by Michaela Pace. Bing-bong! Returning champion alert! Not Michaela, but Destiny Chukenyere. "Not my soul" won the Junior Eurovision contest in 2015, she made the live shows on ITV's Got Talent last year, and is here tonight – as the second singer with Michaela. They're performing a tremendous pop ditty, it's contemporary and gains from an unconventional song structure.

"Chameleon" has a verse-chorus structure, but the chorus is followed by an instrumental burst – a "pop drop", as some call it. The second chorus is truncated for a middle eight, after which we're back into something almost but not quite the same as the chorus. The effect is to change and mutate and confuse, and it's amplified by the colourful staging – video walls in all sorts of changing colours with the dancers repeated. This is Going Places, enough to ask what Valetta's like at this time of year. Entry by PBS "Malta".

"Scream" performed by Sergey Lazarev. Unexpected loser in the stage area. Sergey lost the 2016 contest, and local politicians couldn't believe that they'd lost a popular vote. We start with an infinite number of Sergeyi, reflected in mirrors, and while he stays still, the reflection moves. It goes downhill from there: we see all the gimmicks in the first minute, and it's a very long time until the end of the song. It's going to go through, the song is good enough to go through on its merits, but the staging doesn't hit the mark: it'll be thereabouts, but not there. Entry by RTR "Russia".

"Spirit in the sky" performed by KeiiNO. What hasn't been done in this contest before? Electropop meets traditional Sami joik music. Three men are having a whale of a time on the screen, the joy comes through the camera. The song is helped by a restrained staging – they could have gone full Jedward, but chose to keep it a little classier – "minty-fresh", says Neil Doherty. This is going through, and could go places. Right kind of shiny. Entry by NRK "Norway".

"Truth" performed by Chingiz. The final song of the night felt like an interval act. Robots and lasers and dry ice, it's a tremendous three-minute movie, a feast for the eyes. The song is flamenco with an Eastern beat, decent but neither here nor there compared to what we've heard before. Entry by Íctimai "Azerbaijan".

And some slow numbers

"Ktheju tokës" performed by Jonida Maliqi. From the ridiculous to the sublime, a heartfelt and emotional song about the wartime diaspora. There's an eagle on stage, of course, a batsignal to the very diaspora. But most of the attention is on the singer, a hugely proficient and powerful singer. Enough from the jury to go through, don't expect a huge televote. Entry by RTSH "Albania".

"Arcade" performed by Duncan Laurence. Bing bong! Pre-contest favourite alert! The favourite in every fan poll, in all the betting, and it feels like the pressure has somewhat got to young Duncan. It's a guy at the piano, singing a moody ballad. This column didn't see this as a winner when we first heard it – we've not booked our favourite hotel in Amstelveen for next May.

We didn't expect to hear of fear in Duncan's eyes during first rehearsals, channelled to vulnerability by tonight. And we did expect to be able to look into Duncan's eyes before the first chorus: it's a long time for him to dodge our gaze, especially when we need to make a connection. Good enough to go through, but is it going to get memory-holed? Right kind of shiny, for the last time tonight. Entry by AVROTROS "The Netherlands".

"Proud" performed by Tamara Todevska. Another evocative ballad, this one instructs children on how to take pride in who they are, rather than who they're not. They're using similar mirrored panels to an earlier entry, but they're an additional element to support the singer, rather than a gimmick to wow the televoters. Faces on the backdrop didn't work on Tuesday, but this works. Could this hit the spot in the way "Rise like a phoenix" did? Entry by *MKRTV "North Macedonia" (the name's changed, the broadcaster hasn't.)

Interval acts

Shalva Band, who were the favourites on KAN's selection show Rising Star this year, but withdrew when they found they'd have to rehearse on the Sabbath. They perform "A million dreams" from The Greatest Showman, a bit better than Pink. Lior Suchard's "mentalist" act was mostly running around in the green room, Zybszek and Neil reviewed Tuesday's semi-final and paid the rent instead.

A sharp division of voting methods across the Irish Sea. The BBC doesn't do any SMS voting, as they can't be 100% certain that votes will be received in time. RTÉ has only used SMS voting this week, as it's simply not worth running the telephone lines for the relatively small number of phone votes.

Once again, the BBC chose not to show the video montages of classic Eurovision moments; they'd rather show an unfunny sketch with Rylan, and have an interview with Serhat. They'd also rather waffle with Scott than show Conchita and her new black dress during the first ad break.

The looming final

Tonight's final will begin with "Chameleon", a bright and colourful opener. Then it's the ethnic brilliance of "Ktheju tokës". "Friend of a Friend" is a bright third song, followed by "Sister". The mirrors of "Scream" are song five.

Sickbags ahoy for "Love Is Forever", then the Fourth Annual Terry Wogan Drinks Interval, don't open the booze before song seven, "Say Na Na Na". "Proud" is strong emotions, "Too Late for Love" ducks them down again, and the hipsters of "Sebi" might be used as filler.

Song 11 is Tuesday's opener, "Replay", and then come the two first-half favourites: the hurt pain of "Arcade", the femme power of "Better Love". The home entry "Home" kicks off the second part, with "Spirit in the Sky" a joyful follow-up.

The BBC's entry, Michael Rice with "Bigger Than Us" is song 16, at around 9.20. Then for something completely different, "Hatrið mun sigra". As on Tuesday, it's followed by the simple "Storm", then two poppy numbers "Like It" and "Truth".

Big five fave "Roi" is song 21, then comes another new song "Soldi". There's stirring visuals from "Kruna", and perhaps they're using "She Got Me" as visual sorbet before "Zero Gravity". The contest closes with "La Venda", the last direct qualifier.

ITV's 9.25am problem

Non-stop bellowing festival stops. ITV has ended The Jeremy Kyle Show, after fourteen years on air. The show put its faith in polygraphs, a voodoo science that purported to use body responses to show if someone was telling the truth. ITV decided to can the show completely – no new episodes, no repeats, scrubbed from the ITV website.

There are two points of relevance to game shows. First, the duty of care to contributors. We've heard a lot of tales from reality show contestants about how it's a demeaning process, it leaves people vulnerable, and there isn't enough aftercare. Two contestants from ITV2's Love Island have died in recent months, and it's been suggested that ITV left them to fend for themselves after the series ended. This column really broadcasters will look after contestants and contributors, because without contestants the genre will be lost.

Second, and far less important, what will ITV use to fill the gap? This week, the hour from 9.25 has been filled by repeats of Dickinson's Real Deal: a cheap and safe programme they can shove out in any slot. It's not a long-term solution, and many game show fans have called for the slot to become games again. Are we about to see the Great Supermarket Sooty and Sweep Revival?

We doubt it. ITV has some very successful contests in the second half of the afternoon – Tenable, Tipping Point, The Chase are the new Danger Mouse, Press Gang, Blockbusters. The channel needs to keep a balance through its schedule, and that means something non-gamey in the mid-morning hours. The Jeremy Kyle Show was something you could drop in and out of, you didn't need to watch from start to finish. The same is true of Lorraine before, and This Morning afterwards.

While game shows are a useful standby, they're not the panacea for all of ITV's ills. If we want wall-to-wall game shows, there's a Challenge channel for that. We can see ITV keeping games at 9.25 until the end of August – it'll give The Chase somewhere to go when Cash Trapped returns. But expect something more chatty and whimsical from September – our imagination splurged up "The Breakfast Club with Sarah Greene and Janet Ellis", doubtless ITV can do even better.

Mastermind Update

Semi-final 3

Judith Lewis (Lord Peter Wimsey novels of Dorothy L Sayers) takes a couple of guesses in her round. Educated guesses, from careful swotting. They're correct guesses, and help to a Perfect Round of 12.

Pat Lucas (Benjamin Franklin) looks a little over-awed to be here, and finishes on 4 (3 passes).

Bruce Horton (Ottoman Empire 1822-1922) gave a lot of sensible and well-researched answers, but not quite answers to the questions Humpo was asking. His final score is also 4.

Karim Lalani (Grand National 1978-2018) had a steady circuit, a few hairy moments, never looked like he'd be unseated in 8 (1 pass).

Pat Williamson (Margaret Beaufort) starts off with a simple error, but doesn't let it put her off. 8 points.

In the general knowledge section, Pat Lucas needs a good tilt, and gives her round a good tilt, finishing on 13 (4 passes). Bruce also gives a good tilt at his round, moves more swiftly, and finishes on 15 (2 passes). Karim goes slowly and steadily to 13 (3 passes).

Pat Williamson starts off strongly, but takes a pass part-way through, to finish on 17 (2 passes). Which leaves Judith a small target to win. A "pass" is the worst way to start, but it's only a stumble on the way to the win.

With a final score of 21 (2 passes), Pat Williamson, a psychiatrist, books the third seat in the final.

This Week and Next

Jupp the Shark There will be a new host for The News Quiz, as Miles Jupp will leave at the end of the current series. No replacement has yet been announced.

BARB ratings in the week to 5 May

1. Line of Duty finished as television's top show (BBC1, Sun, 12.7m). Got Talent remained the top game (ITV, Sat, 9.65m).
2. There was a Have I Got News for You that week (BBC1, Fri, 4.35m), and In for a Penny continued to reign well (ITV, Sat, 3.65m). Also above three million: Ninja Warrior (ITV, Sat), The Chase (Thu), and Would I Lie to You? (BBC1, Fri).
3. On Channel 4, Bake Off The Professionals leads all (Tue, 2.4m). It's ahead of the Only Connect final (BBC2, Mon, 2.3m), and Tenable All Stars (ITV, Sun, 2.25m). Great Local Menu seems to be stalling around 1.6m in its new 8pm slot.
4. Leading new channels: Stephen Mulhern's Got More Talent (ITV2, Sat, 880,000), Blind Date (C5, Sun, 830,000), Celebrity Juice (ITV2, 575,000), and 8 Out of 10 Cats (E4, Sun, 445,000). There's Something About the Movies came to The Satellite Channel (Thu, 285,000).

And one piece of ratings news from Leftpondia, where the biggest game isn't Of Thrones, but Jeopardy!. It's all down to young Mr. Holzhauer, whose record-breaking run has only been paused by the annual Teachers' Tournament. An average of 13.3 million saw each episode in the week to 5 May, compared with 12.5 million for The Big Bang Theory and a piffling 11.8m for Game of Thrones.

It's the Eurovision Song Contest grand final (BBC1, RTE1, BBC Radio 2, RTE Radio 2, Sat). And we say happy new year to Mock the Week (BBC2, Thu). The Hit List is new for BBC1's Saturday night next week.

Photo credits: KAN/EBU, Central, Sony TV.

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